Classroom of Champions: ELF Teams Get Their Grades
- Arnaud Dignocourt
- Aug 29
- 8 min read
The curtain has fallen on the regular season, and as tradition dictates, the council gathers one last time. The grades are in, the exam papers have been marked, and it’s time to see which teams proudly move to the top of the class, which barely scraped a passing grade, and which will be stuck in detention until next year.
We could have done that division by division to hand out the grades, but here’s a little spoiler for the impatient: nobody really shone across the board. Each division finished with the same uninspiring average — a solid, resounding ‘meh’ C−
Vienna Vikings A+
It was a well-rounded season, with Ben Holmes once again looking nothing short of spectacular. Despite being on the shorter side for a quarterback, he more than compensated with razor-sharp accuracy, lightning-fast decision-making, and a commanding sense of leadership. Averaging 3.3 touchdowns per game, 40 in total, against just 5 interceptions, Holmes cemented himself as one of the true greats of this league.
The supporting cast deserves its credit too. While third-down efficiency (42%) left a little room for improvement, the team counterbalanced it with boldness on fourth down, converting at a strong 52%. Up front, the offensive line earns a gold star: only 19 sack yards conceded all year, while opening lanes wide enough for their running backs to churn out nearly 5.1 yards per carry and a massive 1,880 rushing yards overall.
On the other side of the ball, the defense proved just as disruptive, snatching 13 interceptions, including 4 returned all the way for touchdowns. A team that excelled across the board, with their QB leading from the front.
Munich Ravens A
For his first adventure across the Atlantic, Russell Tabor put together a genuinely serious season. There’s little doubt that in a few years, he’ll be one of the faces of the ELF. The main adjustment ahead of him? Cutting down on those interceptions, which remain his biggest stumbling block.
As for the team overall, it was a strong collective effort, though discipline remains an issue, 731 penalty yards is far too many gifts to hand over. Their real strength, however, came on the ground. Averaging nearly seven yards per carry is borderline outrageous. Hand the ball to Justin Rodney or any of their other German running backs, and chances are you’ve just booked yourself a first down.
Let’s see what they can do in the playoffs and during the next season as well.
Stuttgart Surge A
Well, that was another electric season, wasn’t it? Statistically speaking, it wasn’t Reilly Hennessey’s finest year on paper, the import quarterback threw 20 touchdowns, barely edging out the combined 21 scores from his running back corps. But numbers only tell half the story: Hennessey proved himself as a true leader, and given that the Surge run a ground-heavy offense, his production fits the system just fine.
Where the team will need immediate improvement is discipline. You simply can’t afford to gift opponents 817 penalty yards if you want to survive playoff football. Beyond that, though, both the special teams and the defense were rock-solid throughout the season, giving the Surge a balanced and dangerous look heading into the postseason.
Nordic Storm A-
Can someone please tell those cold guys to stop cranking up the AC in every stadium they step into? Because honestly, their first year in the trenches was already icy enough for the opposition. For a debut campaign, they didn’t just show up, they brought the storm, embodied by the deadly Clark–Beaulieu connection. That duo gave Jadrian all the weapons he needed to turn in one of the top three seasons of his career: a sparkling 125.10 passer rating, close to 50 touchdown passes, and only 9 interceptions. Numbers like that don’t just fall from the sky, they speak volumes about efficiency, chemistry, and leadership.
But football is never just about the highlight reel. The team had to deal with the big blow of losing Glen Toonga, and while they adapted as best they could, his absence was impossible to fully replace. Without their workhorse running back, the offense leaned much more on the aerial game, sometimes forcing the pass play when balance might have been the smarter call. It worked often enough thanks to Jadrian’s brilliance, but you can’t help wondering what this attack would have looked like with Toonga pounding the rock and keeping defenses honest.
Still, this was a season that set the tone: a team with energy, confidence, and plenty of personality. If year one looked like this, just imagine what happens once they fix their run-pass balance and keep their key pieces healthy. Let’s just hope they leave the AC remote at home next time.
Rhein Fire B+
They faced a balanced schedule and proved they could hang with anyone, managing to beat the league’s toughest teams at least once each. Quarterback Chad Jeffries got off to a slow start, but he quickly found his rhythm, committing fewer mistakes than ever before and showing the leadership needed to carry the team. Fans will no doubt remember the thrilling Week 6 victory over the Vikings and the Week 14 triumph against the Nordic Storm, two games that highlighted just how dangerous this squad can be when everything clicks.
Even though their playoff dreams were cut short early in the postseason, it’s important to keep perspective. For a first year filled with so many changes, including the abrupt departure of head coach Jim Tomsula early in the season, they showed resilience, adaptability, and flashes of brilliance. With the lessons learned this year and so much talent already on the roster, the future looks very bright indeed.
Prague Lions B
At the start of the season, it was hard to place much hope in this team. They weren’t seen as clear contenders, and many pundits had them pegged near the bottom of the standings. But week after week, they proved their doubters wrong, showing courage, grit, and resilience to finish the season with a respectable seven wins.
Quarterback Javarian Smith provided some truly electric moments on the gridiron, reminding everyone why he’s a player to watch. Beyond him, the entire roster deserves credit for their relentless effort and for how they systematically silenced the haters, game after game. From gutsy fourth-down conversions to standout defensive stops, this team made sure nobody underestimated them for long. A season that started with low expectations ended with pride and plenty of lessons for the next year.
Madrid Bravos B-
We may have expected a little more, but let’s face reality: this team fought hard all season, earned a playoff spot, and gave their best week after week. The truth is, sometimes they just lacked that final spark to turn good efforts into something even greater.
On offense, the stars shone brightest. Sinnet, Seelig, Cruickshank, and Flores-Calderon carried the unit with skill and consistency, while the defense, led by Brugnani and his comrades, worked tirelessly to keep the team in contention. Playoff results aside, the season was a solid success, a testament to effort, teamwork, and the foundation they’ve built for the future.
Paris Musketeers C+
This was the team most challenged by the schedule, one of the toughest we’ve ever seen in the ELF, and yet they gave it everything they had. With a first-year quarterback, a brand-new coaching staff, and all the usual growing pains, they still managed to maintain impressive team chemistry and worked tirelessly to lay the foundation for next season.
Many of these players should definitely come back to claim what they rightfully deserve. While they struggled in critical third- and fourth-down situations this year, there’s reason for optimism: next year’s Jaylon Henderson will be more acclimated to the big stage, and with his development, those crunch-time struggles could very well become a thing of the past. This was a year of hard lessons, but also of hope and potential for what’s to come.
Raiders Tirol C
This team was unlucky at times, showing glimpses of the greatness they were capable of but struggling to maintain that level week after week. There were flashes that reminded everyone of what could be, but consistency was the missing ingredient.
Next season could be a different story if Connor Miller returns healthy, his presence might be just what the team needs to turn those flashes into full-blown performances. No disrespect to N’Kosi Perry, who stepped up and did the job whenever called upon, but having Miller back could make a difference. It was a season of potential, lessons learned, and hope for a stronger comeback next year.
Frankfurt galaxy D+
At the start of the season, things were… let’s say, a bit rocky. Not disastrous, but enough for the front office to make a move: Matthew McKay was released, and Jameson Wang took over for the final five games. Wang did what he could under the circumstances, and it sets up an intriguing storyline for next year.
With the potential return of the beloved Sandro Platzgummer, who missed the season due to injury, this quarterback duo could be fascinating to watch in action. It’s a team that struggled early but has clear building blocks in place, and if they stay healthy, next season could be much more exciting.
Hamburg Sea Devils D
After what looked like a promising start to the season with two early wins, things slowly began to unravel. The only team they consistently had an edge on was the Thunder, and they did manage to beat Prague once as well.
But let’s be honest, this team fell short of expectations. Still, it wasn’t all bad. They delivered some impressive performances and came close to victory more than a few times. While inconsistency held them back, there were glimpses of what this squad could become if they tighten things up next season.
Wrocław Panthers D-
Despite finishing with a better record than the Sea Devils, this team still fell short of the expectations many had for them. At times, the playcalling didn’t match the situation, leaving fans scratching their heads.
That said, there’s reason for optimism: the team is on the right path, even if the journey ahead is a long one. With better in-game adjustments and a little more consistency, they could turn those flashes of potential into real success in the seasons to come.
Berlin Thunder & Fehérvár Enthroners F+
While both teams finished with the same grade, their paths to it couldn’t have been more different.
The Enthroners fought tooth and nail all season to earn that win, and they deserved every second of it. Watching them struggle week after week was tough, but their heart and determination were undeniable. Pure respect for the way they defended the name on the front of their jerseys, it was effort, pride, and grit in every play.
The Thunder, on the other hand, were… concerning. They managed to win only the game they absolutely had to, while struggling in nearly every other matchup. Their offensive line rarely gave Jakeb Sullivan a clean pocket, making it nearly impossible for him to get anything going. The season was rough, but with the right adjustments and smart choices in the offseason, they could return to the form fans once expected. Both teams share a grade, but the stories behind it couldn’t be more different.
Helvetic Mercenaries & Cologne Centurions F
It was a similar year for both teams: full of struggles, setbacks, and moments of pain, yet they still showed up every week, giving everything they had. Honestly, the players aren’t to blame, they were simply out there chasing the dream, week in and week out.
At the end of the day, this is all about sport and fun. No scoreboard or paycheck should overshadow the faces of these athletes, who, despite losing nearly every play, never gave up and always crossed the finish line. Dedication, effort, and heart, that’s what this season will be remembered for.
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